


versus raoul

by embalmers



Series: the day-to-day [2]
Category: Ai no Kusabi
Genre: Captivity, Fluff and Humor, Gen, M/M, medical warnings like needles syringes etc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24268987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embalmers/pseuds/embalmers
Summary: Today, Keeler Lab’s greatest creation had been made.
Relationships: Iason Mink/Riki
Series: the day-to-day [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749532
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	versus raoul

**Author's Note:**

> before you go any further: [the doll](https://img.aucfree.com/413501300.1.jpg) in reference. michihara never disappoints

_“What is that?!”_

-

There was no end to the things that frustrated Raoul but there was one that stood above the rest in particular. More than any soiree which demanded his attendance (for what reason he still did not know). More than any diplomatic conference that never captured his interest. More than any experiment that was refused funding or wrongfully criticized, there was one that when it reared it’s ugly head, it dwarfed all the rest.

Riki. Raoul hated Riki.

Iason had pointed out that he’d given him the title of ‘thing’, when the topic of his pet came up; a habit of speech.

_“Are you getting attached? Even I haven’t given Riki a nickname you know,” he spoke like it was nothing, clearly finding all the disturbance it was causing in Eos mere amusement._

Well, at least one of them could find this all funny. 

One day Iason was going to face the full effects of karma for all the hoops he leapt through and the bending of rules just to keep his disgrace of a pet.

And Raoul would be the one to get him out of it when that day came. Katze too. He dreaded the thought.

Although he wasn’t able to enact his deepest desires of slowly cutting that abomination into pieces (still alive, of course, where would the fun be if the mongrel wasn't feeling any pain?) before boiling it down into a putrid liquid, he had to find a substitution.

Stepping away from the medical table and gazing down upon his creation, Raoul couldn’t suppress the laughter.

Today, Keeler Lab’s greatest creation had been made.

There, merely the size of one hand, sat a doll of the bane of his existence. Curated from the finest polyester stuffing, thread and cotton, the likeness was evident to anyone who had seen the pet. It was not a replica though; it didn’t speak, didn’t pick fights nor do much of anything really. Created for one sole purpose: to act as a stress reliever for Raoul Am. The project had been a success of course.

“Ah, if only you acted this way in reality. This is what a pet should be like. Causing Iason so much hassle all the time, what’s wrong with you?”

The doll didn’t reply. The coal button eyes gave no hint of expression.

“You will do for now until I can get my hands on your breathing counterpart,” and with that placed it on his desk, resting against the monitor.

“Busy Raoul? Seems you’ve been shut away for days now,” came the snidings of Aisha.

“Yes, very busy,” he smirked at the thought of the way he’d left that doll with surgical scissors in the approximate location of it’s stuffed brain.

“What do you mean it spread?” 

Pacing back and forth, Raoul listened as the buffoons in the newest addition to Keeler Lab, the antibody and infection control department, recounted the event’s that had transpired in his mere twelve hour absence. He hadn’t been involved in it’s origination but of course, being the sole Blondie working there, he was the one who had to deal with dimwits messing up. It was like any initiative not organised and handled personally by him fell into disrepair. 

Whose idea had it been to not report the body fluid spills to personnel? A change of staff was needed stat, he was tired of dealing with fools both in Eos and out of it. By the sounds of matters, he’d end up disposing of every single one of them to prevent any spread. 

_“We were wondering what we should do sir! There’s risk to all the other specimens in the building now, we don’t know what’s been contaminated and what’s not.”_

Was this the receptionist? Had the team been replaced with a bunch of monkeys? Had all their minds been wiped? 

“You imbecile, don’t move. Tell everyone not to move. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Faintly, off screen, he could hear a “we’re in deep trouble.”

More than they had any comprehension of.

Raoul’s gaze fell on that stupid pest sitting on his desk. Sending the pen flying, he gained great mirth from seeing it tumble to the floor from the hit.

“Suffer down there for me Riki, maybe get trod on while I’m gone. I’ve got a biohazard and a troupe of idiots to contain.”

_Since the fallout in Keeler Lab_ _last week, I expect a full report tomorrow detailing the cause and actions taken to prevent this occurring again. We don’t need a repeat of last time I revoked your privileges._

Closing down the display, all he could think was ‘shut up Orphe.’

If it weren't for him and his ‘privileges’, Orphe wouldn't have any of the pretentious refined breed of pets he so desired.

Raoul could think of one solution and it would be never allowing Aisha of all people to be the one in charge of the hiring process again. Why had he not been present again? He suspected a plot between the both of them. Never again would he make that mistake. New staff entirely. 

Swiping up the nearest syringe, the Blondie pierced it into the miniature Riki’s chest. He couldn’t care less about the contents, if it was a disease or poison all the better frankly. Wherever that thing was, he hoped it could feel the effects kicking in from here. The sentiment held for Orphe too.

_"You were off planet for a week so you might not have heard the full details. Lord Mink’s pet got into a scandal involving the guards again.”_

Raoul was trying to decide what method he should use today to inflict terror on that ragdoll. He’d admit, yes, most of the wounds he had given it was because of other matters rather than Riki’s actions. The pet had been on it’s best behaviour it seemed. But that never lasted, did it? 

“Always soiling Iason’s name with your disgusting nature. No pet would ever think to cause their master so much aggravation.”

As he spoke, Raoul approached the doll, giving it it’s full attention. It’s pathetic face didn’t react in the slightest. Part of him had to wonder what the mongrel would do if he was here in its inanimate’s place.

“Your fault.”

An assortment of needles and pins were already sticking out of it from his previous outbursts. Finally deciding on the best finishing touch, Raoul used a surgical knife to pin it on the wall.

“Oh my, Raoul.”

“Hm?” he nonchalantly responded, too engrossed over by his screen displaying various results. 

It had been quite some time since he’d seen Iason, what with the biohazard debacle that he had to rectify and then being required off planet. They would have usually convened for dinner but Raoul’s schedule was hectic with the creation of a new pet model, thus dinner was put on indefinite hold.

So, Iason being Iason, doing whatever he pleased, decided to waltz in uninvited.

“Now, what is this? An experiment to see if my pet can feel the stab wounds from miles away?”

Looking up from his work, he found the other Blondie smiling with amusement at the doll. Knife embedding it into the wall along with all manner of instruments stuck in it.

He really wished he’d given prior notice. 

The Riki voodoo doll pinned up there looked like an ominous warning to visitors of what was to come to them if they stepped foot into the lab. Not only that but Raoul’s lab was a mess. Despite having issues with others causing chaos, his own station was the worst of all. Put all together, it wasn't a pleasant image. 

At least he could see the smirk on Iason’s face, the telltale sign that it was all in good spirit.

“Something like that, friend. It makes a good little anger outlet.”

One by one, white gloved fingers carefully removed all the sharps from it, placing them delicately on the desk. 

“Anger outlet? What’s Riki done to you Raoul?” playful tone evident, toying with the now free doll in his palm.

“It’s not what he does to me, it’s about how he negatively impacts you! We have this discussion every time.”

There was a pause as Iason quietened. It was no secret how much Raoul disagreed with the other over his disgrace of a pet. It was also a miracle their friendship had remained intact despite it all. 

“The concern is appreciated yet not necessary.”

“You know I have your best interests at heart. If I had it my way, I’d have that mongrel in my lab in a heartbeat,” he spat.

Another smirk appeared on Iason’s face, then started moving to leave with the doll in hand.

“I feel I must confiscate this lookalike before you act on your jokes of causing pain to Riki.”

“Not a joke Iason, I’m very serious.”

The other laughed at his deadpan delivery as he left the lab, calling out down the corridor, “contact me when you’re less swamped with work, friend!”

Iason should be glad he had more on his plate to deal with right now or the idea would be far too tempting for him to resist. He also didn’t want to incur the other’s wrath. Despite the laughter there was no doubt, friend or not, Raoul would be dead if he harmed one hair on Riki’s head.

-

“Despite having such a high IQ, this doesn’t spur any recognition? It’s you.”

“I can see that! Where in the hell did you get it?”

“Raoul made it.”

“That freak?!”

Riki’s face made the most interesting expressions as it scrunched up in disgust at the thought of Raoul spending his time to make a lookalike of him. 

Another thought was the similarity between the two when the conversation of either came up. They made the exact same grimaces at the thought of the other's existence. He could picture the outrage they both would have on being compared to one another.

“It was in quite the state when I found it, you should be grateful I saved it from him. Seems as though Raoul was using it as a substitute for having his wicked way with you.”

Even if Iason knew just how extreme those methods could be, he never gave Riki the full extent of them. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

“This one is so much easier to handle,” moving it’s little stubby arms back and forth as he spoke, “no talking back, no insubordination, small and out of the way.” A gloved finger snuck its way under the tiny shirt it had on.

“If you like it so much you can keep that one as your pet and let me go instead then.”

Iason ignored his remark as he usually did.

“I think I’ll keep it in my office,” musing to himself then drew his eyes up from the doll to Riki, “and I’ll be keeping you as well of course.“

His mongrel just blinked in response, clearly not finding any of the same joy in that statement as he was.

“This one is sweet but with none of your bark, it makes everything far less exciting.” A repugnant frown appeared on his pet’s face at that.

“Ugh, whatever, have fun with mini-me.”

As Riki was about to make his escape out the room, Iason reached out, wrapping one arm around his waist to pull him to his chest.

“Now where do you think you’re going?”

-

_“Iason, what is that?!”_

_“Iason, that’s an eyesore. Get rid of it.”_

_“Iason, you need a change in decor. Along with a change of pet.”_

As he always did with his fellow Blondie’s worthless comments, Iason ignored them.

He would have to thank Raoul when he got the chance, it really made the office less lonesome.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh raoul is so fun~ i think i got a bit carried away  
> one day i shall write raoul and riki interacting... theyre so funny  
> random tidbits: raoul maybe if you werent so busy making a riki plushie you would be paying attention to the goings on in your department along with actually cleaning up your lab!
> 
> i dont have anyone checking for spelling/grammar errors so sorry if there are any!  
> thanks for reading


End file.
